Dogging.

A member of a website that I am a moderator for asked for suggestions as to what he should do to amuse himself at the expense of the local doggers.

For those not in the know dogging is the term for making the beast with two backs in a public place for the entertainment of, or to encourage participation by, anyone else who is around.

Many suggestions included blank rounds, flares, fireworks, joining in, etc. After reading this and references to watching flabby, hairy buttocks moving up and down I had a thought. Being an inventive chap my thought was to charge from behind on a mountain bike with the business end of a bass broom like a Victoian lancer.

Once it is up his hoop just let go and the wrist strap will do the rest. He should flick across the carpark with manfat shooting out of his wallnut whip as it wrenched his prostate gland out with a force similar to teeing off at St Andrews.

I don’t know why but some thought this a little extreme.

My next thought was that if you did this every night for a week you could collect the wrenched out hoops and make a game of deck quoits with them.